Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
In the near future, the opening of our latest store will be announced, and there will be a grand opening event to which all of our employees and our most valued customers will be invited.
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12 comments:
In the near future, there will be grand opening event for our latest store to which we will invite all of our employees and customers.
In the near future, the opening of our latest store will be announced, and there will be a grand opening event to which all of our employees and our most valued customers will be invited.
When the opening of our latest store is announced, there will be a grand opening event that all our employees and valued customers are invited to attend.
The opening of our newest store will be announced soon. All employees and our most valued customers will be invited to a grand opening.
Irena: Good, but you're missing a word that should be in there;-)
Scott: Both of your answers are an improvement; now can get rid of the passive voice?
Margaret: Yes, but you, too, need to get rid of the passive voice.
In the near future, there will be an announcement and a grand opening event for our latest store to which we will invite all of our employees and customers.
We will soon be announcing the grand opening for our latest store, to which we hope all of our valued customers and employees will attend.
I am sorry I did not realize that I needed to use my real name. I placed the comment under koolmum, but have gone back and changed my display name. I apologize for my error.
When the opening of our latest store is announced, all employees and valued customers are invited to attend the grand opening event.
Irena: That's better;-)
Tammy: No problem--the blog is intended as a learning experience.You're on the right track with your answer, but there are some wordy expressions still in there--think verbs;-)
Scott: You still have the passive voice--you haven't yet come to the part of the course where you learn about that;-)
We will soon be inviting our customers and employees to the grand opening of our new store.
Tammy: Very good.
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