Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
We would be very appreciative if the new photocopier could be installed by 8:30 A.M., and that training could be provided by your staff throughout that same day so that we lose as little time as possible in getting to use the new machine.
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6 comments:
It would be really appreciated if the new photocopier could be installed by 8:30 A.M. Training could then be provided by your staff, which would save us time in getting familiar with the new machine.
We would appreciate it if you could install the new photocopier by 8:30 A.M. In addition, if your staff could provide training on the new machine throughout that same day, we would lose very little time getting familiar with it.
We would appreciate our new photocopier being installed by 8:30A.M. Can you also provide the training directly after installation, so that we can make use of our copier right away.
Nancy: That;s a good improvement; now can you try to get rid of the passive voice?
Blowen: Okay, you've avoided the passive, but you still have some other wordy expressions.
Tammy: Even better:-)
We would appreciate it if you could install the new photocopier by 8:30 A.M. and if your staff could provide training on it directly afterwards.
Blowen: A huge improvement--well done!
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