Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
There are too many of you, all work colleagues, who have not as yet thought it worthwhile to take just a few minutes to sign up for the registration for the Seminar being offered next week by the Safety and Standards Branch on personal and institutional workplace hygiene and cleanliness.
Hint: Check Chapter 9 of Barron's Business English, and avoid using the passive voice and other wordy construction!
Responses are saved in the archives.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
Employees who have not signed up yet for the Seminar being offered next week by the Safety and Standards Branch on personal and institutional workplace hygiene should register.
For those of you, who thought it was not worth your while to take a few minutes to sign up for the Safety and Standards Branch seminar on workplace hygiene and cleanliness, please register.
Many work colleagues have not taken the time to register for the Safety and Standards Branch seminar on personal and institutional workplace hygiene and cleanliness being offered next week.
Please take a few minutes to sign up for the personal and institutional workplace hygiene and cleanliness seminar being held next week. As we do not have enough registration's yet.
Irena, Samantha & Tammy: These are moves in the right direction; can you do anythingto avoid using the passive?
Nancy: That's a pretty direct take on the situation!
Employees who have not signed up yet for the Safety and Standards Branch Seminar on personal and institutional workplace hygiene should register now before it starts next week.
For those of you who have not already done so, we encourage you to register for the hygiene and cleanliness seminar the Safety and Standards Branch is offering next week.
Irena: That's better, but there is still a little wordiness there.
Kelsey: Getting there--but there are stil some wordiness issues;-)
Employees who have yet to register for the Seminar being offered next week by the Safety and Standards Branch on personal and institutional workplace hygiene and cleanliness should please do so at present.
Many of you have not registered for the seminar being offered next week, please take a few minutes to do so.
Please take a few minutes to sign up for the personal hygiene and cleanliness seminar being held next week.
Employee should register, if they have not already done so, for the Safety and Standards Branch on peronsal and institutional workplace hygiene being offered next week.
Dejo: You have reworded it, but you haven't done much to cut back on the wordiness of the orginal;-
Tammy: That's better, but you do need to get that comma problem under control--have you tried the PET materials on the Write Site?
Post a Comment