span style="font-style:italic;">Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
The members of the Health and Wellness Committee are formally requesting that all staff members who are in any way involved in the organization of gambling in the workplaces or participating in said activities cease and desist.
Hint: Check Chapter 9 of Barron's Business English, and avoid using the passive voice and other wordy construction!
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5 comments:
The members of the Health and Wellness Committee request that staff members, if any, involved in gambling in the workplace should please stop this immediately.
Dejo: That's an improvement--a little awkward--and there's room to do more;-)
As members of the Health and Wellness Committee we are requesting that all staff members involved in gambling in the workplace cease and desist such activities immediately.
The Health and Wellness Committee is requesting all staff who are involved in the gambling in the workplace to immediately stop.
Janine: Okay--some more is possible.
Irena: Much better!
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