Saturday, March 29, 2008

PLAIN ENGLISH, March 9th

Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.

It is our particular expectation that the commissioned report on the ant infestation and other hygiene concerns in the entire work area will be completed and submitted by the relevant committee not later than the end of this year.

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13 comments:

Pivetta Marie Christine said...

The Committee on Health and Security is expecting the commissioned report on ant infestation in the work area and other hygiene concerns to be completed and submitted no later than the end of the year.

Veronica Baig said...

Marie-Christine: That's an improvement--check the passive voice and a few expressions that are still wordy.

Marie-France Brassard said...

It is with big expectations that the ant infestation and other hygiene concern into the work area will be reported by the relevant committe will complete by the end of this year.

Veronica Baig said...

Marie-France: That's a good try. Now I want you to think about theideas you have put together--it's almost as though you are looking forward to an antinfestation! Also, try to a void the passive voice.

Kelsey said...

By the end of this year the commissioned report on all hygiene concerns should be submitted to the committee.

Janine said...

To our expectation the report for the entire work area on ant infestation and other hygiene concerns is submitted by the end of this year.

Veronica Baig said...

Kelsey: It's interesting that you left out the "ants"; I would have thought that was important. Is there any way to avoid using the passive voice?
Janine: "To our expectation" doesn't work to start a sentence;-) You, also, still have the passive voice; can you reword to avoid that?

Tammy said...

Please complete your reports on the ant infestation and other hygiene concerns you have had in your work area, and kindly submit them by the end of the year for our review.

Veronica Baig said...

Tammy: You're on the right rack here--you have done away with the passive--but there are still some wordy verb and other phrases.

Tammy said...

Please complete your reports on the ant infestation and your other hygiene concerns, and submit them by the end of the year for our review.

Janine said...

It is expected that the committee will complete the ant infestation and hygiene report by year end.

Irena said...

Please note that we are expecting the report on the ant infestation and other hygiene concerns in the workplace to be completed by the committee by the end of the year.

Veronica Baig said...

Tammy: That's better:-)
Janine: Much better, but note that you are still starting off with a passive.
Irena: You're on the right track with that, but you still have the passive voice and some other wordy expressions;-)