Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
It is absolutely imperative that a complete and thorough investigation into the continuing and ongoing problem of the ant infestation in the lunchroom premises be launched by the Health and Wellness Committee to ensure a final end to the problem.
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12 comments:
It is absolutely imperative that the Health and Wellness Committee
should launched a thorough investigation into the ongoing problem of ant infestation in the lunchroom premises and ensure an end to this continuing problem.
It is absolutely imparative that the Health and Wellness Committee launch a thourough investigation to ensure an end to the ongoing ant infestation in the lunchroom.
It is imperative that the Health and Wellness Committee rid the lunchroom of the ant infestation permantly.
It is imperative that an investigation of the ongoing ant infestation in the lunchroom be completed by the Health and Wellness Committee to end this problem.
It is imperative that the Health and Wellness Committee, resolves the ongoing ant infestation in the lunchroom.
Marie-Christine: There's some improvement here, but still you have quite a lot of wordiness;-)
Kelsey: A big improvement:-)
Nancy: There's still some wordiness--try to avoid the passive voice;-)
Tammy: Good apart from the punctuation;-)
It is imperative to investigate into ongoing problem of ant infestation in the lunchroom. The investigation will be launched by the Health and Wellness Committee to ensure end to the problem.
It is imperative that the Health and Wellness Committee resolves the ongoing ant infestation in the lunchroom.
Irena: There's still some wordiness there. Think about these two items: "investigate" means "look into" so "into" is redundant; "be completed" is the passive voice--can you make this active?
Tammy: Even better:-)
It is imperative to investigate ongoing problem of ant infestation in the lunchroom. The Health and Wellness Committee will launch the investigation to ensure end to the problem.
It is imperative that Health and Wellness Committee end this ant infestation in the lunchroom.
Irena: That's better--now check article usage. (sorry, there's always something more!)
Nancy: That is a model of brevity; however, along the way, the meaning has changed a little.
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