Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
Each and every one of the employees must make a decision for him or herself as to what specific goals and objectives he or she will be responsible for as part and parcel of the target that has been established by the management of achieving lunchroom cleanliness.
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7 comments:
All employees must take responsibility for their goals and objectives to achieve lunchroom cleanliness.
To help keep the lunchroom clean, management has asked every employee to decide what he or she wants to be responsible for.
Janine: Good--you got rid of a lot of clutter.
Margaret: You're on the right track here, but you have left some wordy expressions.
In order to keep lunchroom clean, the management has set up the target for employees to specify what they will be responsible for.
To keep the lunchroom clean, everyone must decide on their own goals and objectives for which they will be responsible.
To achieve a clean lunchroom, all employees must decide what they will be responsible for.
Irena: You're on the right track. Note that "in order to" is a wordy expression, and it's usually a good idea to avoid verb phrases with "will"--usually the simple present tense works better.
Kelsey: Some good improvements.
Tammy: Yes, but now you've missed out some vital information--goals and objectives;-)
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