Tuesday, February 19, 2008

PLAIN ENGLISH, Feb. 19th

Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.

At this point in time, permit to say that the balance of your bill, $954 is still outstanding, and in accordance with the agreement that was signed by both parties, interest is now due.

Responses are saved in the archives.

8 comments:

Janine said...

At this point in time, the outstanding balance of your bill is $954. In accordance with the agreement, interest is now due.

Veronica Baig said...

Janine: There's some improvement here, but more could still be done;-)

Kelsey said...

coAs per the agreement, interest is now due on your outstanding $954 bill.

Tammy said...

The balance of your bill is $954.00. According to our agreement, interest is now due.

Nancy said...

Because of the agreement that was signed by both parties and the fact that $954 is still owed, interest has now accrued.

Veronica Baig said...

Kelsey and Tammy: Good job.
Nancy: Notice that you still have the passive voice here and some other wordy expressions.

Margaret said...

The balance of $954 is still outstanding on your bill. Interest is now due based on the agreement signed by both parties.

Veronica Baig said...

Margaret: That's an improvement. It's still a little indirect--compare with some of the more direct responses some other students have made.