Sunday, February 3, 2008

PLAIN ENGLISH, Feb. 3rd

Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.

Will all interested applicants please contact the office that is most conveniently located to them. The local program staff will then be able to determine if they really are eligible to make an application for this loan.

Responses are saved in the archives.

9 comments:

BLowen said...

All interested applicants must contact their local office. The program staff will review to verify eligible loan applications.

Kelsey said...

All interested applicants please contact the closest office to determine if you are eligible to apply for this loan.

Veronica Baig said...

Blowen: You have some good changes--the only problem is that "review" is a transitive verb (it needs a direct object).
Kelsey: Good suggestions--you've cut back a lot.

Irena said...

To all interested applicants, please contact the office that is closest to you, so we can determine if you are eligible for the loan.

Veronica Baig said...

Irena: Good work.

Janine said...

All interested applicants please contact your local office to see if you are eligible to apply for this loan.

Veronica Baig said...

Janine: Another good solution.

Nancy said...

Could all interested applicants contact the local program office closest to them so that it can be determined who's eligible for this loan.

Veronica Baig said...

Nancy: That's close--but you still have a verb in the passive voice.