Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.
It has come to the adverse attention of the Employee Wellness Committee as well as the Executive that a number of our employees have become involved in gambling; this gambling has taken the form of the organization of competitions between various departments to see which of the ants that have been caught in the lunch room will survive the longest without food.
Responses are saved in the archives.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
It has come to the attention of the Employee Wellness Committee as well as the Executive that a number of our employees have become involved in gambling; this gambling has taken the form of organization competition between various departments.
Nancy: This is an improvement. Check "organization competition"--that doesn't read quite right, and see if you can get rid of the passive voice.
It has come to our attention that a number of our employees have been involved in gambling. The gambling took the form of organized competitions between various departments.
Irena: That's another improvement; note that the passive is still there.
Post a Comment