Tuesday, April 22, 2008

PLAIN ENGLISH, April 22nd

Writing clear, direct English is particularly important in a business context. Please rewrite the following item; there are many different but correct ways of doing this.

Due to the fact that various emotional concerns have been raised by some of our business colleagues about the widespread utilization of a systemic poison as the primary method of dealing with the burgeoning ant infestation, the Workplace Health and Safety team has deemed it necessary to look into other possible approaches that may or may not be more humane

7 comments:

Janine said...

The Workplace Health and Safety team is looking for other humane approaches to the ant infestation as many concerns have been raised from business collegues.

Veronica Baig said...

Janine: This is a good start--you still have a passive construction in there;-)

Tammy said...

As there have been emotional concerns, our Workplace Health and Safety team are looking into a more humane approach to the ant infestation.

Veronica Baig said...

Tammy: Good progress on this:-)

Irena said...

The Workplace Health and Safety team has decided to look into a new approach of dealing with the ant infestation due to concerns that have been raised about use of a systematic poison.

Ying Meng said...

Since it is not humane to utilize a systemic poison to deal with ant infestation, the Workplace Health and Safety team is looking into other approaches.

Veronica Baig said...

Irena: This moves in the right direcft, but notice that you still havea passive construction, and the construction is "a new approach to something".
Ying: Very good--notice that you either need an article before "ant" or make the infestation plural;-)